"Becoming a more peaceful person, especially around the familiarity of the home, is a process, not a destination." ~ Richard Carlson
... and that is no lie. Since beginning this project I've made a vow to be less reactive and more responsive in my household. I have come to the conclusion that I am not necessarily an angry person ... I just have a very low tolerance for stressful situations. Coupled with the fact that burning the bacon in the morning could stress me out, well, it pretty much equals at least a couple of angry outbursts a day.
Oh, and let's not even mention my reaction when someone interrupts my concentration ... on anything. I wish I could say that I'm always patient, that I never raise my voice to my children, and that I'm slow to anger. I wish I could say that ... but I can't.
*
*
The truth is I get mad, I lose it, I raise my voice, I throw up my hands in disgust, I rant, I rave, and I've even been known to break things. And then ....I beat myself up over it. How could I be such a bad mother? How could I get so mad? Why can't I be more patient? Why can't I just be normal?
*
*
Getting mad is normal. Everyone gets angry. Everyone throws fits. Everyone has a limit to how much they can take before they explode. Some fuses are shorter than others. However, it is important that I learn to forgive myself for my spats. After all ...self-defeating inner talk never accomplishes anything positive. The best I can do is to remind myself that I am human, forgive myself, and vow to become a more patient individual. Don't sweat the small stuff ..... remember?
*
*
It is definitely a process. As of today I remind myself moment by moment to be more patient. I try to recognize my anger and then respond to the situation rather than react to it. It's been a roller coaster for the past few weeks. Some days are better than others, and I still beat myself up over my outbursts. However, it's a step in the right direction and I plan to remain on track.
